


it isn't the sinner who repents

by black_telephone (orphan_account)



Series: Droplets of Blood [5]
Category: Dexter (TV), Dexter Series - All Media Types, Dexter Series - Jeff Lindsay
Genre: Character Study, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-05
Updated: 2017-12-05
Packaged: 2019-02-10 22:50:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12921879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/black_telephone
Summary: "My sister still lives her life trying to please our father. Me, I'm following the lead of an 8-year-old kid. I'm moving on."..Harry thought he created a monster from his deeds. He took his own life unable to deal with it.Harry was wrong. He created two.





	it isn't the sinner who repents

.

.

_"My sister still lives her life trying to please our father. Me, I'm following the lead of an 8-year-old kid. I'm moving on."_

.

.

In a perfect world, Harry would never have ignored his own daughter to favour his foster son… to teach him new 'skills'.

In a perfect world, Debra would never have felt the need to become a cop and prove herself to her father.

In a perfect world she would've never had a relationship with Rudy, Lundy, Anton or Quinn.

In a perfect world, her fiancé would never have tried to chop her into pieces.

In a perfect world, she wouldn't be a victim to constant self-doubt.

In a perfect world, she wouldn't have felt that she was the fuck up of the family.

In a perfect world, she wouldn't have always looked up to Dexter; she wouldn't have felt the constant need to get validation from him.

In a perfect world, she wouldn't be in love with her brother…

But, we don't live in a perfect world…

.

.

Sometimes he thinks that they are like a pair of those salt and pepper shakers. Black and White. Salt and Pepper… Different individual things… Yet, a part of the pair.

Maybe they are just different versions of each other.

.

.

One who accepted his vices but believes that he could never change them.

Other who couldn't accept even her virtues and is in a never-ending quest to find acceptance.

.

.

Harry thought he created a monster from his deeds… He took his own life unable to deal with what he had done.

He was wrong.

_He created two._

.

.

Sometimes, she looks at her brother and wonders whether she'll ever reach there.

He is happily married and with three kids. He has a job he loves and is generally liked by all. He's got a house in the suburbs and a minivan and he looks like the fucking poster boy of the American Dream.

Whereas she… She is the American Psycho.

She is the one Harry never wanted. She is the one who is a continuous fuck up. She is the one who is more foul-mouthed than a drunken sailor. She is the one who was screwing the serial-killer she was investigating. She is the one who said 'yes' to marriage with a guy who wanted to chop her up into nice bloodless pieces. She was the one who fell in love with an FBI Agent twice her age and got him killed. She was the one who cheated on her boyfriend. She is the one fucking her co-worker.

She's everything that he is not… She is everything that Dexter is not.

.

.

Yet at other times, she wonders whether she even wants what Dexter has.

She wonders whether she wants to be married to a stable guy; whether she wants the white picket fence and house in the suburbs and the 2.0 kids and…

The truth is she _doesn't_.

Maybe something is wired in wrong with her head, but the picture of 'happily-ever-after' that is most people's dream just makes her nauseous.

She doesn't want any of that. She doesn't want to be the little missus. She doesn't want to be Dexter. Yet… Yet she is so jealous of him. Of what he had… Of what he has… Of what he is…

She doesn't know what she wants.

.

.

She is floating through life like a log in the river. Never really lodged anywhere. She just goes and goes and goes and goes… She is afraid that one day she'll wake up and her life would be behind her and she would be regretting the fact that she never really did anything.

She doesn't fall in love too often or too rare. She doesn't dream of commitment.

She… She doesn't want to be Dexter.

But, then again, she doesn't know what she wants.

.

.

Sometimes she looks at her brother and she sees a man who is happy.

A man who had to go to couples counseling, a man whose wife died, a man who is so secretive, who is alone… Yet, he is happy. No, not happy… But content. A man who has accepted what life has given him, a man who accepted his flaws. A man who is always there for her… Guiding her along.

A man who is content.

The idea is so confounding to her that she nearly can't believe that this is her brother. She – the fuck up – the one who hurts and brings pain to everyone she loves – has a brother who is so… pure, and content with where he is in life.

.

.

_"Jesus, Dex! What are you doing? I'm the fuck up of the family. Not you!"_

.

.

And she wants that. She wants to be content. She is always struggling… always. Every moment of her life is a struggle, a fight – to put evil men behind bars, to catch another killer, to forget the fact that the first man she loved tried to kill her, to forget the fact that Lundy died because of her, to put a bullet through another motherfucker's head, to be a little bit more like her brother, to be a little bit more like her father, to make her father proud again and again and again…

Her life is so much a struggle that she is fucking exhausted.

She wants to be content with whatever she has… with whatever she is.

She wants to be the anchor for someone. She wants to be there for someone.

She wants to be enough for her father.

She wants to be Dexter.

.

.

They are both Harry's Aftermath.

.

.

Two Frankenstein's monsters.

She wants to be enough for her Dad. She wants to be Dexter…

But she isn't.

She's the naughty little girl while he is the good little boy. Always was and always will be...  ** _Harry's Devil._**

.

.


End file.
